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    39 points

    BorikAmy posted an update 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hey everybody, um I’m kind of new here and I know this isn’t part of the challenges (of which I understood) but um here’s a poem that I wrote tell me what I can fix to make it better
    Twinkling Stars
    When I walk down the street
    Or sit by the window
    I look up wanting
    To see a clear blue sky
    But as i look up to the sky at night
    On a dark clear night
    I see a big bright moon
    Shining its brightest on me
    And for a moment that’s
    All I can see
    But if you look to the seemingly dark sky
    You can see many eager twinkling stars
    Wanting to be seen
    But if you only notice the big bright moon
    You’ll never get to see the many
    Twinkling stars looking down on you
    And sometimes its like that
    In our world too
    We notice the talented person
    Known by all
    And we’re so focused on the obvious
    We sometimes don’t notice
    That the person who
    We’re standing by is capable
    Of shining brighter than the moon
    But sometimes the sky isn’t clear
    It’s covered with dark and gloomy clouds
    And it’s very hard to see the moon
    Nearly impossible the stars
    You have to carefully scan the clouded sky
    And you just might see a faintly twinkling star
    It’’ll be hard but not impossible
    But once you find the star
    That’s where it ends
    Or does it
    We always want it to shine brighter
    To be more noticeable
    Now in stars we can’t really
    make a difference
    But support can mean everything
    For a human
    And while some people might say
    It’s impossible and
    That it’ll never be done
    A families blessing can mean
    Much more than gold
    And of we work together as a team
    We might just be able to
    Change impossible to I’m possible
    And if we trade our our excuses for efforts
    We just might shine brighter than the moon

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